I love Christmas but get overwhelmed in the shops; the discordant noise builds as Christmas tunes blare in a tinny whine from tiny speakers and the people walking past me are loud and excited. The bright and twinkling Christmas lights hurt my eyes when, usually, shop lights are already bright enough! The shops are busy and crowded, full of people.
I feel something building in my stomach and in my chest and throat and a sideways glance, to check in on how my Autistic daughter is doing, I observe she is hugging her chest and noticeably keeping as close to me and her dad as she is able, it makes me realise we are both being really affected by this sensory onslaught...
"Selective" Mutism
... neither of us are capable of talking to anyone, not even my husband, her dad, who is asking us if we're okay. All we can both do is look at him, with pleading in our eyes, silently begging him to get us out of here - we are both scared. The environment has raised our anxiety levels significantly, we are now both in a place of "Selective Mutism."
A Misnomer
The name of the condition, 'selective,' makes people think we are choosing to be silent, that we aren't talking because we don't want to or because we are being ignorant or rude. That's genuinely not the case, its not something we are choosing or that we have any control over. Both my daughter and I desperately wish we COULD say something but the words won't come.
Some Help
I am capable of doing some simple British Sign Language Signs during this moment and my husband, my absolute rock, understands the sign for "Help" and "Need to Go" and instantly he's on the case, ever the family protector and he's got us an exit in sight.
A Threat Response
When people are afraid and their brains perceive a threat, they can go into a 'fight or flight' state, this is something all humans have within them and many people have heard of, its from the part of our brains which looked after us in the 'Cave Ages,' the reptilian brain. Basically, in Autism, 'fight' is the 'meltdown' and most people associate this with kicking and punching, screaming, shouting and general flailing and distress, however, this is most often a child's presentation and sometimes an adult with Learning Disabilities. Autistic adults will often 'meltdown' verbally or will sob uncontrollably; many of us would never do this outside our own home. The 'flight' mode is when an Autistic person will disappear, children will abscond from home without apparent warning and an Autistic adult may just go for a long drive.
Two Other, Less Known, Responses
In addition to Fight or Flight, there is a 'Freeze' response and this is thought to be what causes the 'selective' mutism. This is a thought I agree with because I know it is the extreme anxiety which is preventing me from speaking and definitely not a choice, I think its also the response which causes Autistic 'Shutdown'. 'Submit' is the final Threat Response but Autistic people err on the side of Demand Avoidance and I know, for me, this submit response has only ever happened at very specific times.
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